Here is the first volume of "Memoirs and Recollections". I thought I'd share them with you all.
Kenny Scheck once guest starred on Gilligan's Island in 1967 as a man with a large boat who offered to save the stranded castaways. The episode would have served as the series finale, but the show was unfortunately canceled before it aired, and I have yet to receive a single residual check.
Kenny Scheck once sold a dumb kid some stupid beans for a cow, having fooled him into thinking they were magic. The cow fed me for days, but the kid must've figured out he'd gotten the raw deal, for he went insane and kept rambling about cities in the ...clouds and giants and some fucking harp. We had him committed.
Kenny Scheck once time traveled. He went 5 minutes into the past. Its was awkward because then I was sitting in my room for an extra 5 minutes with myself from five minutes ago. Until he left. He went to the past. He went to 5 minutes ago. Seems like the 50 million dollars I spent on the time machine were kind of pointless now.
Kenny Scheck once spent 15 days counting my hair. 330405501.
Kenny Scheck once got incarcerated in an Indonesian prison after a hunting accident in which I shot my friend Donald after mistaking him for the tiger we were hunting. What the police didn't know is that it was no accident and I wasn't tiger hunting. I was Donald hunting.
Kenny Scheck once hit the winning home run in the 1948 World Series to give the Cleveland Indians their last World Series Pennant. Unfortunately the team banished me for my heavy drug use and penchant for leaving dead birds in other players' lockers. The team has not won a world series in my absence.
Kenny Scheck once got into a fistfight with Howard Hughes over differing opinions of cinema. He said Citizen Kane was the best film he had seen to date, and I protested that the best cinematic achievement ever was the Marx Bros. "Monkey Business". We... came to blows on January 12, and the fight lasted 2 nights. By the time I awoke, I was in a bathtub filled with ice and had a missing kidney.
Kenny Scheck once played solitaire scrabble for 3 weeks before realizing that I was missing one of the Bs. That was a wacky day.
Kenny Scheck once saved a baby from a burning building. Unfortunately I dropped the baby on my way out into the shark tank. So I jumped in and fought off 6 rabid sharks to save the baby. Who was the baby you ask? Ever heard of John Grisham? Well it wasn’t him but a baby named Dave Grisham, and I always think of John Grisham when I think of this story.
Kenny Scheck once was a member of the Three Stooges. At the time, we were the Four Stooges, and I was known as Chumbo Marx. They didn't agree with my choice of stage name, as they felt it was ripping off the Marx Brothers. I claimed it was what all comedy... names sound like. At any rate they became the Three Stooges, and I became the less popular "1 Stooge". I performed the act in Vegas for 22 years.
Kenny Scheck once saw Danny DeVito driving a mini-van in San Francisco back in 1998. No foolin!
Kenny Scheck once went camping with John Glenn. If John Glenn asks you to go camping, I would say "yes". He's a cool guy to camp with. But guard your s'mores materials. He's like a raccoon after 8pm. Scavenger.
Kenny Scheck once ran a chain of egg stores, called "EGG CITY!" All we sold were varieties of eggs. I knew it would be a big hit, so I opened 15 locations all at once. The paperwork for Chapter 11 was hard!
Kenny Scheck once helped this guy Larry move. When I had to move, Larry told me he was busy. Larry is no longer receiving my Christmas cards.
Kenny Scheck once met Alfred Hitchcock in the Brown Derby. He let me know his deepest darkest secret...he could kill people...with his mind. And he did! Solves the mystery of George Reeves doesn't it?
Kenny Scheck once joined the Ringling Bros Circus, before they joined up with that HACK Barnum, and his kid sister Bailey. I played the trombone naked while riding a unicycle. I got out of that job as soon as I could, but it was the most embarrassing 30 years of my life.
Kenny Scheck once spent four weeks drinking heavily. Needless to say, I'm not that into Apple Juice anymore.
Kenny Scheck once rented a car even though my actual car was fine. The people at the rental place were so confused! GOT EM'!
Kenny Scheck once owned a small farming village in Iowa. I owned like five farms, 12 farmers, 200 acres, and about 50 farm animals. It was pretty nice...until the uprising.
Kenny Scheck once liberated China.
Kenny Scheck once had the power of invisibility. A wizard gave me the power. He told me that on October 16th, 1922 I would have the power of invisibility from 10am to 2pm. Unfortunately I slept in ‘til 3pm that day. What a waste.
Kenny Scheck once told Rod Serling that anthology TV was where it was at. He went home that night and begrudgingly wrote 50 episodes of the "The Night Zone", which I suggested be re-titled "The Twilight Zone" because I knew the vampire book would be so popular, and it could ride that gravy train.
Kenny Scheck once caught tuberculosis...I totally survived it. Thank god we had our Annual Tuberculosis Walk For A Cure-A-Thon...or I would have been a goner.
Kenny Scheck once Executive Produced Home Improvement. I remember very little of my time during the show, which is probably why I was fired.
Kenny Scheck once went as John Ashcroft for Halloween. In retrospect it was a dumb costume.
Kenny Scheck once spent Halloween bobbing for apples for 4 straight hours. It was about10pm when the people realized they didn't know me...and threw me out.
Kenny Scheck once caused a Nation wide black out. I accidentally unplugged Thomas Edison's prototype light bulb...the country was without electric light for 14 years.
Kenny Scheck once served in the U.S. Army during World War I. I was in the USO entertaining the troops. This was a real downer because no one could hear my jokes through my gas mask. Or there gas masks. No one heard any jokes or laughing. That’s when I told the army to invent the USO later instead of now.
Kenny Scheck once died. I was survived by family and friends. Then I was resurrected eight hours later. I don't know...bolt of lightning? Anyhow I rose from the dead when my alarm clock went off. It was crazy dying. I had all these dreams.
Kenny Scheck once felt the long arm of the law. Seriously this cop named Gary Freshield had one arm slightly longer than the other. It was weird.
Kenny Scheck once went on safari. Killed an elephant. No big deal.
Kenny Scheck once guest starred on Gilligan's Island in 1967 as a man with a large boat who offered to save the stranded castaways. The episode would have served as the series finale, but the show was unfortunately canceled before it aired, and I have yet to receive a single residual check.
Kenny Scheck once sold a dumb kid some stupid beans for a cow, having fooled him into thinking they were magic. The cow fed me for days, but the kid must've figured out he'd gotten the raw deal, for he went insane and kept rambling about cities in the ...clouds and giants and some fucking harp. We had him committed.
Kenny Scheck once time traveled. He went 5 minutes into the past. Its was awkward because then I was sitting in my room for an extra 5 minutes with myself from five minutes ago. Until he left. He went to the past. He went to 5 minutes ago. Seems like the 50 million dollars I spent on the time machine were kind of pointless now.
Kenny Scheck once spent 15 days counting my hair. 330405501.
Kenny Scheck once got incarcerated in an Indonesian prison after a hunting accident in which I shot my friend Donald after mistaking him for the tiger we were hunting. What the police didn't know is that it was no accident and I wasn't tiger hunting. I was Donald hunting.
Kenny Scheck once hit the winning home run in the 1948 World Series to give the Cleveland Indians their last World Series Pennant. Unfortunately the team banished me for my heavy drug use and penchant for leaving dead birds in other players' lockers. The team has not won a world series in my absence.
Kenny Scheck once got into a fistfight with Howard Hughes over differing opinions of cinema. He said Citizen Kane was the best film he had seen to date, and I protested that the best cinematic achievement ever was the Marx Bros. "Monkey Business". We... came to blows on January 12, and the fight lasted 2 nights. By the time I awoke, I was in a bathtub filled with ice and had a missing kidney.
Kenny Scheck once played solitaire scrabble for 3 weeks before realizing that I was missing one of the Bs. That was a wacky day.
Kenny Scheck once saved a baby from a burning building. Unfortunately I dropped the baby on my way out into the shark tank. So I jumped in and fought off 6 rabid sharks to save the baby. Who was the baby you ask? Ever heard of John Grisham? Well it wasn’t him but a baby named Dave Grisham, and I always think of John Grisham when I think of this story.
Kenny Scheck once was a member of the Three Stooges. At the time, we were the Four Stooges, and I was known as Chumbo Marx. They didn't agree with my choice of stage name, as they felt it was ripping off the Marx Brothers. I claimed it was what all comedy... names sound like. At any rate they became the Three Stooges, and I became the less popular "1 Stooge". I performed the act in Vegas for 22 years.
Kenny Scheck once saw Danny DeVito driving a mini-van in San Francisco back in 1998. No foolin!
Kenny Scheck once went camping with John Glenn. If John Glenn asks you to go camping, I would say "yes". He's a cool guy to camp with. But guard your s'mores materials. He's like a raccoon after 8pm. Scavenger.
Kenny Scheck once ran a chain of egg stores, called "EGG CITY!" All we sold were varieties of eggs. I knew it would be a big hit, so I opened 15 locations all at once. The paperwork for Chapter 11 was hard!
Kenny Scheck once helped this guy Larry move. When I had to move, Larry told me he was busy. Larry is no longer receiving my Christmas cards.
Kenny Scheck once met Alfred Hitchcock in the Brown Derby. He let me know his deepest darkest secret...he could kill people...with his mind. And he did! Solves the mystery of George Reeves doesn't it?
Kenny Scheck once joined the Ringling Bros Circus, before they joined up with that HACK Barnum, and his kid sister Bailey. I played the trombone naked while riding a unicycle. I got out of that job as soon as I could, but it was the most embarrassing 30 years of my life.
Kenny Scheck once spent four weeks drinking heavily. Needless to say, I'm not that into Apple Juice anymore.
Kenny Scheck once rented a car even though my actual car was fine. The people at the rental place were so confused! GOT EM'!
Kenny Scheck once owned a small farming village in Iowa. I owned like five farms, 12 farmers, 200 acres, and about 50 farm animals. It was pretty nice...until the uprising.
Kenny Scheck once liberated China.
Kenny Scheck once had the power of invisibility. A wizard gave me the power. He told me that on October 16th, 1922 I would have the power of invisibility from 10am to 2pm. Unfortunately I slept in ‘til 3pm that day. What a waste.
Kenny Scheck once told Rod Serling that anthology TV was where it was at. He went home that night and begrudgingly wrote 50 episodes of the "The Night Zone", which I suggested be re-titled "The Twilight Zone" because I knew the vampire book would be so popular, and it could ride that gravy train.
Kenny Scheck once caught tuberculosis...I totally survived it. Thank god we had our Annual Tuberculosis Walk For A Cure-A-Thon...or I would have been a goner.
Kenny Scheck once Executive Produced Home Improvement. I remember very little of my time during the show, which is probably why I was fired.
Kenny Scheck once went as John Ashcroft for Halloween. In retrospect it was a dumb costume.
Kenny Scheck once spent Halloween bobbing for apples for 4 straight hours. It was about10pm when the people realized they didn't know me...and threw me out.
Kenny Scheck once caused a Nation wide black out. I accidentally unplugged Thomas Edison's prototype light bulb...the country was without electric light for 14 years.
Kenny Scheck once served in the U.S. Army during World War I. I was in the USO entertaining the troops. This was a real downer because no one could hear my jokes through my gas mask. Or there gas masks. No one heard any jokes or laughing. That’s when I told the army to invent the USO later instead of now.
Kenny Scheck once died. I was survived by family and friends. Then I was resurrected eight hours later. I don't know...bolt of lightning? Anyhow I rose from the dead when my alarm clock went off. It was crazy dying. I had all these dreams.
Kenny Scheck once felt the long arm of the law. Seriously this cop named Gary Freshield had one arm slightly longer than the other. It was weird.
Kenny Scheck once went on safari. Killed an elephant. No big deal.
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