Dearest Hollywood,
Hi guys! How has it been going lately? I've been okay, but I'm not raking in nearly as much as you are at the box office (last time I hung outside the theater I almost made a quarter!). Anyhow I wanted to talk to you a bit about something that has been bugging me.
Recently I read that you were remaking the 1995 classic "Jumanji". While the movie is a fun little kids movie with some special effects that mostly hold up, I can't say I have ever needed another take on the picture book by Chris Van Allsburg. Since I first read that headline about a remake of "Jumanji" being in the works, I've been really thinking about your work ethic lately, and I am sorry, but we are going to have to let you go.
Now calm down, this isn't really a firing...we'd just like you to take a little hiatus. Take a few years off, go for some walks, take in the sights...reconnect with reality. You need it! You've been regurgitating the same crap over and over for a while now. Who did you think you were fooling with "The Amazing Spider-Man"?
Don't worry about us, we have 100 years of cinema to keep us busy until you get back to work in like 15 years. I mean I still haven't seen "The Birds", and I'm sure someone out there needs to see "Casablanca"...and both of us would get a great deal more out of it than either of us going to see "Oz: The Great and Powerful".
15 years is a good amount of time to sit around and reflect on what used to make you so good and connect with so many people. Look at what it did for "Doctor Who"...and right now, you are definitely at THIS stage.
Yours in Love,
K. Scheck, Esq.
Hi guys! How has it been going lately? I've been okay, but I'm not raking in nearly as much as you are at the box office (last time I hung outside the theater I almost made a quarter!). Anyhow I wanted to talk to you a bit about something that has been bugging me.
Recently I read that you were remaking the 1995 classic "Jumanji". While the movie is a fun little kids movie with some special effects that mostly hold up, I can't say I have ever needed another take on the picture book by Chris Van Allsburg. Since I first read that headline about a remake of "Jumanji" being in the works, I've been really thinking about your work ethic lately, and I am sorry, but we are going to have to let you go.
Now calm down, this isn't really a firing...we'd just like you to take a little hiatus. Take a few years off, go for some walks, take in the sights...reconnect with reality. You need it! You've been regurgitating the same crap over and over for a while now. Who did you think you were fooling with "The Amazing Spider-Man"?
Don't worry about us, we have 100 years of cinema to keep us busy until you get back to work in like 15 years. I mean I still haven't seen "The Birds", and I'm sure someone out there needs to see "Casablanca"...and both of us would get a great deal more out of it than either of us going to see "Oz: The Great and Powerful".
15 years is a good amount of time to sit around and reflect on what used to make you so good and connect with so many people. Look at what it did for "Doctor Who"...and right now, you are definitely at THIS stage.
Yours in Love,
K. Scheck, Esq.
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