Dear Will Smith,
I'd like to begin by thanking you for the sitcom, "Independence Day", "Men in Black", and for bringing to light the simple fact that parents just don't understand. I like your work and I encourage you, specifically, to keep up the good work!
But, your Royal Freshness, what we need to talk about is your kids....something's gotta be done about your kids. I kept quiet about "In the Pursuit of Happyness" because I think you gave a damn fine performance, and having your dumb kid around probably pulled a little more out of your performance than it would have been with some stranger playing your son. So I let that one slide. Plus the kid wasn't all bad, and we all know how kid actors can turn out.
But then comes this unnecessary "Karate Kid" remake. Now I need to bring up two things on this point: 1) I have yet to see the ORIGINAL "Karate Kid", so I've got no plans at all to see this new one. 2) From what I've seen of the trailer, you should have called this the "Kung Fu Child". Did Jackie Chan never mention to you guys that Karate and Kung Fu are different? He probably doesn't know but whatever.
But the problem isn't the crappy "Kung Fu Child" flick...it is about your daughter's terrible song. You, your wife, and your daughter should all pay some kind of fine for this travesty of "music". What the hell is she even babbling about...what the hell does "whipping your hair" even mean? Also you named your daughter Willow? Like after you? JESUS...although it still ain't as bad as my Grandma's ex husband, Merle, naming his daughter MERLINE.
See, my Fresh Majesty, your spoiling your kids. You are giving them everything they want...and that is a bad thing to do to kids, it leaves them with this false impression of the world, and they grow up kinda thinking that they DESERVE IT ALL. And when your daughter says "Daddy can I make a CD?" or "Daddy can I have 500 dollars?"...you say NO!
Now maybe I'm misinterpreting events here, maybe this is some kind of social experiment to prove your hypothesis, but I suspect that in all honesty...you have just become that parent that buys Zips...when their kid clearly asked for Adidas.
Signed,
Kenneth J Scheck
Your Loyal Fresh Servant
P.S. What happened to DJ Jazzy Jeff? Is he okay? When's you guys' next album drop? I've been waiting 15 years! Get on with it!
I'd like to begin by thanking you for the sitcom, "Independence Day", "Men in Black", and for bringing to light the simple fact that parents just don't understand. I like your work and I encourage you, specifically, to keep up the good work!
But, your Royal Freshness, what we need to talk about is your kids....something's gotta be done about your kids. I kept quiet about "In the Pursuit of Happyness" because I think you gave a damn fine performance, and having your dumb kid around probably pulled a little more out of your performance than it would have been with some stranger playing your son. So I let that one slide. Plus the kid wasn't all bad, and we all know how kid actors can turn out.
But then comes this unnecessary "Karate Kid" remake. Now I need to bring up two things on this point: 1) I have yet to see the ORIGINAL "Karate Kid", so I've got no plans at all to see this new one. 2) From what I've seen of the trailer, you should have called this the "Kung Fu Child". Did Jackie Chan never mention to you guys that Karate and Kung Fu are different? He probably doesn't know but whatever.
But the problem isn't the crappy "Kung Fu Child" flick...it is about your daughter's terrible song. You, your wife, and your daughter should all pay some kind of fine for this travesty of "music". What the hell is she even babbling about...what the hell does "whipping your hair" even mean? Also you named your daughter Willow? Like after you? JESUS...although it still ain't as bad as my Grandma's ex husband, Merle, naming his daughter MERLINE.
See, my Fresh Majesty, your spoiling your kids. You are giving them everything they want...and that is a bad thing to do to kids, it leaves them with this false impression of the world, and they grow up kinda thinking that they DESERVE IT ALL. And when your daughter says "Daddy can I make a CD?" or "Daddy can I have 500 dollars?"...you say NO!
Now maybe I'm misinterpreting events here, maybe this is some kind of social experiment to prove your hypothesis, but I suspect that in all honesty...you have just become that parent that buys Zips...when their kid clearly asked for Adidas.
Signed,
Kenneth J Scheck
Your Loyal Fresh Servant
P.S. What happened to DJ Jazzy Jeff? Is he okay? When's you guys' next album drop? I've been waiting 15 years! Get on with it!
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