And here it is...from the slimy depth of the underworld, Volume 2 of my Memoirs & Recollections Series.
VOLUME 2 – Kenny Scheck remembers/The Triumphant Return of Once…
Kenny Scheck remembers the time he was working as an optometrist. Optometrists have the craziest parties. I miss those parties...I should renew my license again.
Kenny Scheck remembers the time I got a blee-j down at the Wet & Dry. Those were some brand nice new Wet & Drys.
Kenny Scheck remembers golfing with Reagan and ALF one afternoon in 1985. This is the only thing I remember from the 1980s. It was all kind of a blur beyond that. At least that’s what I tell people. I refuse to acknowledge my one night stand with Bea Arthur.
Kenny Scheck remembers Studio 54 in the 70s. I was never aloud in the doors, but I passed it on my way to work almost everyday. Crazy how things work out like that, huh?
Kenny Scheck remembers the time he woke up in a ditch after cutting that album with Boys II Men. What the hell happened? Why was I in a ditch? Perhaps we will never know.
Kenny Scheck remembers the time I force-fed myself nothing but oatmeal. I ate about 15 pounds of oatmeal, uncooked, in 2 hours before I passed out. Waking up from the coma, I immediately realized...that I shouldn't have done that.
Kenny Scheck remembers being picked last for dodgeball. That hurts.
Kenny Scheck remembers when George Clooney was on ER. Do you remember that? 'Cause I do!
Kenny Scheck remembers the time that he went hunting with this guy Frank Sinatra. Kept talking about some singing business. What happened to him I'll never know...chatterbox.
Kenny Scheck remembers the good ol' days. When stoning was still a viable way to punish our sinners. Now I remember the time I was stoned. Lemme tell ya - when someone throws a giant rock at you with the intent being your death....it hurts. Physically and emotionally.
Kenny Scheck remembers misremembering the time he remembered something that was memorable.
Kenny Scheck remembers fighting in the trenches of World War I. The mustard gases made the Hot Dogs taste pretty nasty...which is why I kept pressing for Ketchup gas.
Kenny Scheck remembers the good times. Do you remember the good times? Those were some good times. Good times.
Austin Jay Remembers the time Kenny Scheck discovered all 23 secret flavors in Dr. Pepper. I don't know how he did it, but he's been underground hiding from the government ever since.
Kenny Scheck remembers using once instead of remembers in his status posts. Once was funnier. Once will make its triumphant return.
Kenny Scheck once whittled a tree into a kayak. I named it Thunder, and it got me through some pretty tough times. Pretty tough kayak times.
Kenny Scheck once told Gary Busey that he was not worthy of his presence. He agreed, and quietly left the employment of Ricardo Monatalbaun.
Kenny Scheck once was served on a Jury. We convicted a man who was clearly innocent of Murder. It was only later that we learned that the courts took the verdicts seriously. Take a joke! He was innocent! We knew that! You can let him go now!
Kenny Scheck once saw The Wizard of Oz when it first ran in the Theatres. People like to say that it didn't get reviews upon its initial release, and that it only got better reviews later on. Not true. It was genuinely not as good back then.
Kenny Scheck once had a job as a door-to-door toaster salesman. Made Salesman of the Month 5 times in row.
Kenny Scheck once knew this guy names Barry Attlebaum. That guy was a real card!
Kenny Scheck once went on tour with Aerosmith. Little known secret about Aerosmith, during the day they'd remove their masks and wigs, put on business suits and go to their regular jobs, on Wall Street.
Kenny Scheck once took Shirley Temple out on a date. She was about 40 at the time, so it wasn't weird. Well it was weird but not for the reasons you'd think. Shirley Temple is into weird shit. Like Bird Watching.
Kenny Scheck once built a boat. The SS Jiminy Cricket. That boat got me to Bermuda. It now rests in the National Boat Museum.
Kenny Scheck once got stuck traveling across the country with this sleaze ball named Frank Hillerson. He tried to talk me into a three way with his wife Jeanette when we got back home. Needless to say I went immediately home and never spoke to him again. After the three way.
Kenny Scheck once had this boss who didn't understand that the reason she was getting paid higher than me despite my tenure at the job being longer was that she was meant to stay over when not every person for the next shift is in the office. You ever had a boss like that? I did.
Kenny Scheck once held a Ph.D. in AWESOME. The degree was revoked, however, because I stopped living according to the AWESOME code. For example, I collected stamps. That is not AWESOME.
Kenny Scheck once had a bit role in a movie. It was shot between the years of 1959 to 1991, it was Color, and it was Talkie, and it was made up of a series of individual images that when placed in rapid succession created the illusion of movement. Oh and the main character was pretending to be someone else...he wore a fake beard and mustaches...and carried a cane. That is all that I remember. So have you seen it?
Kenny Scheck once saw the film Surviving Christmas starring Benjamin Affleck and Jimmy Gandolfini. THANKS GUYS! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
Kenny Scheck once ate about 15 pounds of Turkey. FIFTEEN POUNDS. I just wish it was Thanksgiving, Then it wouldn't have seemed so "weird."
Kenny Scheck once solved the Mystery of the Missing Stack of Twinkies. They were in Ronald Taft's, President Taft's hermaphroditic nephew, closet.
Kenny Scheck once discovered the secret to a really good long jump, Olympic style. Turns out it is pepper. Eat a whole shaker of pepper and you will jump like...a thousand miles.
Kenny Scheck once watched a Law and Order Marathon. It took 12 years.
Kenny Scheck once spent $600 on a Replica of the First American Flag. It was only later that I discovered, that the USA didn't begin with 50 states, and that you can get these things cheap anywhere.
VOLUME 2 – Kenny Scheck remembers/The Triumphant Return of Once…
Kenny Scheck remembers the time he was working as an optometrist. Optometrists have the craziest parties. I miss those parties...I should renew my license again.
Kenny Scheck remembers the time I got a blee-j down at the Wet & Dry. Those were some brand nice new Wet & Drys.
Kenny Scheck remembers golfing with Reagan and ALF one afternoon in 1985. This is the only thing I remember from the 1980s. It was all kind of a blur beyond that. At least that’s what I tell people. I refuse to acknowledge my one night stand with Bea Arthur.
Kenny Scheck remembers Studio 54 in the 70s. I was never aloud in the doors, but I passed it on my way to work almost everyday. Crazy how things work out like that, huh?
Kenny Scheck remembers the time he woke up in a ditch after cutting that album with Boys II Men. What the hell happened? Why was I in a ditch? Perhaps we will never know.
Kenny Scheck remembers the time I force-fed myself nothing but oatmeal. I ate about 15 pounds of oatmeal, uncooked, in 2 hours before I passed out. Waking up from the coma, I immediately realized...that I shouldn't have done that.
Kenny Scheck remembers being picked last for dodgeball. That hurts.
Kenny Scheck remembers when George Clooney was on ER. Do you remember that? 'Cause I do!
Kenny Scheck remembers the time that he went hunting with this guy Frank Sinatra. Kept talking about some singing business. What happened to him I'll never know...chatterbox.
Kenny Scheck remembers the good ol' days. When stoning was still a viable way to punish our sinners. Now I remember the time I was stoned. Lemme tell ya - when someone throws a giant rock at you with the intent being your death....it hurts. Physically and emotionally.
Kenny Scheck remembers misremembering the time he remembered something that was memorable.
Kenny Scheck remembers fighting in the trenches of World War I. The mustard gases made the Hot Dogs taste pretty nasty...which is why I kept pressing for Ketchup gas.
Kenny Scheck remembers the good times. Do you remember the good times? Those were some good times. Good times.
Austin Jay Remembers the time Kenny Scheck discovered all 23 secret flavors in Dr. Pepper. I don't know how he did it, but he's been underground hiding from the government ever since.
Kenny Scheck remembers using once instead of remembers in his status posts. Once was funnier. Once will make its triumphant return.
Kenny Scheck once whittled a tree into a kayak. I named it Thunder, and it got me through some pretty tough times. Pretty tough kayak times.
Kenny Scheck once told Gary Busey that he was not worthy of his presence. He agreed, and quietly left the employment of Ricardo Monatalbaun.
Kenny Scheck once was served on a Jury. We convicted a man who was clearly innocent of Murder. It was only later that we learned that the courts took the verdicts seriously. Take a joke! He was innocent! We knew that! You can let him go now!
Kenny Scheck once saw The Wizard of Oz when it first ran in the Theatres. People like to say that it didn't get reviews upon its initial release, and that it only got better reviews later on. Not true. It was genuinely not as good back then.
Kenny Scheck once had a job as a door-to-door toaster salesman. Made Salesman of the Month 5 times in row.
Kenny Scheck once knew this guy names Barry Attlebaum. That guy was a real card!
Kenny Scheck once went on tour with Aerosmith. Little known secret about Aerosmith, during the day they'd remove their masks and wigs, put on business suits and go to their regular jobs, on Wall Street.
Kenny Scheck once took Shirley Temple out on a date. She was about 40 at the time, so it wasn't weird. Well it was weird but not for the reasons you'd think. Shirley Temple is into weird shit. Like Bird Watching.
Kenny Scheck once built a boat. The SS Jiminy Cricket. That boat got me to Bermuda. It now rests in the National Boat Museum.
Kenny Scheck once got stuck traveling across the country with this sleaze ball named Frank Hillerson. He tried to talk me into a three way with his wife Jeanette when we got back home. Needless to say I went immediately home and never spoke to him again. After the three way.
Kenny Scheck once had this boss who didn't understand that the reason she was getting paid higher than me despite my tenure at the job being longer was that she was meant to stay over when not every person for the next shift is in the office. You ever had a boss like that? I did.
Kenny Scheck once held a Ph.D. in AWESOME. The degree was revoked, however, because I stopped living according to the AWESOME code. For example, I collected stamps. That is not AWESOME.
Kenny Scheck once had a bit role in a movie. It was shot between the years of 1959 to 1991, it was Color, and it was Talkie, and it was made up of a series of individual images that when placed in rapid succession created the illusion of movement. Oh and the main character was pretending to be someone else...he wore a fake beard and mustaches...and carried a cane. That is all that I remember. So have you seen it?
Kenny Scheck once saw the film Surviving Christmas starring Benjamin Affleck and Jimmy Gandolfini. THANKS GUYS! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
Kenny Scheck once ate about 15 pounds of Turkey. FIFTEEN POUNDS. I just wish it was Thanksgiving, Then it wouldn't have seemed so "weird."
Kenny Scheck once solved the Mystery of the Missing Stack of Twinkies. They were in Ronald Taft's, President Taft's hermaphroditic nephew, closet.
Kenny Scheck once discovered the secret to a really good long jump, Olympic style. Turns out it is pepper. Eat a whole shaker of pepper and you will jump like...a thousand miles.
Kenny Scheck once watched a Law and Order Marathon. It took 12 years.
Kenny Scheck once spent $600 on a Replica of the First American Flag. It was only later that I discovered, that the USA didn't begin with 50 states, and that you can get these things cheap anywhere.
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